Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
