Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
