her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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