i already hear my dad disowning me
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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