I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
