Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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