Buhtt sex?
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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