Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
