I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
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