I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
