Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Randomize
