I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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