I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
