i jhust puked up my retainher.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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