Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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