I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
