My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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