Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I need to calm my uterus...
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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