I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
