Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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