It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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