dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I just found puke in my bra..
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
