Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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