I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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