Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I miss vodka workout Fridays
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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