Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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