i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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