She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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