Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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