Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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