Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
