why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
