I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
