we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
