just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
