so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
