i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
