4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
