are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
