I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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