is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
