I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You are the jesus of drinking
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
