good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
my liver is dry heaving
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
