Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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