JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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