I'm going to jail i love you
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
