I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
