I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
you never un-have a 4some
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
