He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
