Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
