you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
