If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
