I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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